My last week was spent studying for my first college exams, being worn out from driving home at one a.m. from seeing Jenny Lewis play in Fayetteville, bike rides, & lots of quick lunches that consisted of opening up a can of beans(something i actually very much enjoy.) So, by time Thursday came, i was excited to be done with the exhausting part of the week. Marianne, Keesha, Nick & i went to the pizza place Meg works at for a free meal, and noticed some stuff in the dumpster behind the salvation army next door...which lead to us climbing into dumpsters & jumping on top of old matresses stacked seven high to uncover tons of beautiful old suitcases & the perfect chair that i've been looking for for my bedroom. 

Needless to say, it was exciting. & probably illegal.

Nick & I stayed up that night as his house making muffins & crafting.

Friday after classes & smoothies with Nick, I drove home to eat sushi with my mom & visit for the weekend.

We woke up early on Saturday to meet Meg out at the farmer's market. 

I spent merely 11 dollars on five large apples, two sweet potatoes, a clove a garlic, about 5 big bundles of basil, and a half pound bag of purple hull peas. it was so exciting. i made some homemade pesto when i got home with all the basil i bought. 

we met up with my dad at boulevard for lunch & spent some much needed time together.

 i miss the days when it was easy for the four of us to be together for a day.

For dinner tonight, Nick & I made turkey meatballs with organic homemade spaghetti sauce on the whole wheat pasta i bought at the farmers market in Columbia, with an organic french baguette and my homemade basil pesto. : ) 

It feels immensely better cooking dinner at home with him than going out to a restaurant. 

sweet sleep to all.

she said sing, sing, sing, sing melodies to the universe in motion.

Columbia was beautiful, but seeing my best friend was even more so! 

Honestly, my favorite part of the whole weekend was probably going to the Farmer's Market/eating at Cafe Berlin on Saturday morning. 

As much as i love our farmer's market in LR, the one in Columbia is AMAZING. Instead of just having the basics(fruits & veggies & a few preserves) they also have the real raw cheeses, raw honey, grassfed meats, honey ice cream, & homemade pastas.

i bought some whole wheat linguine pasta to make sometime soon.

it smells so fresh & delicious.

Natalie & Luke presented their gifts from the Earth.

Also at the market was this beautiful lady with her two adorable children playing music. 

We had brunch at Cafe Berlin where Natalie & i ate the most delicious veggie burgers i've ever tasted. It was on a homemade whole wheat bun & i could definitely go for another right now.

We walked around downtown all day, eating greek food and going in local shops, and went back to the Love Nest for the party...which, unfortunately, was a little whack for various reasons, but fun, nonetheless! I wish i could have spent more time just chilling with Nat, but next time for sure! At least we were able to enjoy our yogurt & granola breakfasts together. : )

The ride back was enjoyable & now i am home working on studying for my Anthropology exam.

Oh, & i must mention, my boyfriend is opening up for Bassnectar, one of the biggest DJ's in the world right now, who also happens to be one of Nick's biggest influences. I am so happy for him. This is a HUGE step!

it's all that you can do on this side of the blue

affluenza, n. 1. The bloated, sluggish and unfulfilled feeling that results from efforts to keep up with the Joneses.

 2. An epidemic of stress, overwork waste and indebtedness caused by the pursuit of the American Dream

 3. An unsustainable addiction to economic growth. 

When you think about America, it is evident that people are finding themselves more and more unhappy with the lives they are leading because they spend so much of their time and money thinking about money and what they can consume with it. Americans are turning into money and power hungry forces of mass destruction. We are buying things we do not need and will probably not even want in a year.  If, perhaps, people focused on humanity, on their actual lives, and not on the things they think control it, they will find they are content with what they have. Even the things we need have turned into things we want. We NEED food, but we WANT to contribute to the fast food chains every morning, afternoon, and evening...which is where obesity enters the picture. Americans consume, consume, consume food, products, devices, and then wonder why they have become fat, broke, and depressed. Although I have grown up in a severely materialistic generation, my viewpoints, the older i have gotten, have become a mirror image of the views of my grandparents generation. 

I firmly believe that in order to live a happier life, one must lead a simpler life. 

I have been making an effort to be less of an unnecessary consumer. In all honesty, it IS hard to be that way in the world we live in. However, it is all about mindset. When you go shopping, think about what you are buying & where it came from(who made it/what it is made out of, etc) & ask yourself if it really is worth it.

I often wish we could live the way the maasi live. Simple, yet fulfilling lives. Women there dedicate their whole  lives to merely being human, caring for their babies, breast-feeding(how it should always be) and living off the Earth. I realize it isn't practical in our society anymore, and not a single person in our country could say that it would be an absolute  breeze to live that way. 

I walked into the backyard today after school and saw about twenty feet away from me, a two beach-ball sized piles of mushrooms. They were so beautiful! Mushrooms are really such mystical organisms.

Tomorrow, I am embarking on a weekend journey to visit my best friend who i love & miss more than i can say! I am excited for pretty people at the Love Nest & exploring the beauty of Columbia again.

 It's an inspiring place.

i'm anxious for life. so electrically ecstatic for life & it's happening right now.

& it's beautiful.

i saw a lot of old friends tonight-some i've known for years & other not so long, but long enough to consider "old friends.: everyone else laughed & drank & joked, but i couldn't help but just sit there & think about how incredible our presence is here...how we all come together for these gatherings, after being absent from eachothers lives for months & months, to talk about higher beings, the fact that no one is going to remember us in 200 years(i mean, do YOU know the name of your great great great great great grandfather with out prior research on the subject? no? exactly.) and about how i "have his mother's hands." 

it was a fulfilling night.

beautiful basil, in honor of my rant that follows:

we discussed the processes that are involved in making the food we consume yesterday in anthropology. campbell showed us a film, "the future of food"- a documentary about genetically modified food and how our congress, although given the chance to consider it, has bypassed every bill that has tried to make it to where our food is labeled that it is genetically modified, & exactly what in it IS GMed. We, as humans, as people of the Earth, people who are supposed to eat what is grown from the Earth, are being denied the right to know what is being put into our bodies. the sad thing is, as much as we try to research & eat things that are SAID to not be GMed, we can't fully do so. Americans could not survive because the food industries rely so heavily on this process of changing food to "better improve shelf life," for instance...a ridiculous reason when you think about our bodies as sacred temples that we only get one of.

 So much of what is grown/consumed is being injected with antibiotics & hormones(even infant formula) & we, including the growing children of our country, are completely & totally unaware. that is why young girls are going through puberty as early as eight years old now. not to mention Monsanto, a major farming company, has record of suing small farmers for allegedly "stealing their seeds," bringing these independent farmers who have been harvesting their own UNgenetically modified seeds for the past fifty years to have to shut down whatever business they have. 

 it's a sad reality, but it IS just that.

i'm pretending i don't live in a zoo.

I woke up, wide awake, at 6:45 this morning.  That always feels so good to me.

As much as i loved the days of 14 when i would sleep in until 1 p.m. every summer day, & as much as i love to sleep, i have this feeling i will end up being an early-riser just like my mom the older i get. Which is fine by me, i hate feeling like i've wasted my day sleeping when i could be out enjoying the beauty in everything.

After writing, i did some yoga & went on a long walk where i passed by the a lot of miserable, tired-eyed eight & ninth graders who reminded me of how happy i am to be done with the dreaded mundaneness of high school. 

I am excited for Drawing class today, 'cause as long as we don't get a sudden torrential downpour, we'll be drawing outside!

So, my mom tagged me to do this:

1. Where were you 10 years ago

Ten years ago i was starting the fourth grade at a school that I hated, namely for lack of friends & the like--not to mention my dorky red glasses that managed to cover half my face(i wouldn't trade how i was for anything though...teasing & all.) I was probably catching frogs & listening to the spice girls with my best friend Morgan.

2. What is on today's To Do List?

I have already walked & yoga-ed & at a delicious bowl of cereal. I have drawing class at 10:50, lunch & then Anthropology at 2:40. It is possible, also, that i might be going home tonight.

3. What would you do if you were a billionaire?

First & foremost, i'd pay my mom & dad back for the money they spent to fix my car when i wrecked it two months ago. I would set some aside for savings, pay off my grandma's Jag for her, buy my mom & dad the trip to australia they have always wanted take, donate money to legit causes, travel to a third world country like i've always want to do to photograph other humans and learn about how they live, & then think "what the hell do i do with all this money?''

4. Name 5 places you have lived:

1)Shreveport, Louisiana

2)Jacksonville, Arkansas

3)Little Rock AFB

4)Cabot, Arkansas

5)Austin, Arkansas

5. Name 3 of your bad habits:

1)  eating a night time--the usual time for me to crave cereal or other things i shouldn't eat late at night

2) forgetting to take medications when i've been prescribed them

3) not talking to friends who've moved away enough-with the exception of Natalie, of course.

6. What are your favorite snacks?

a spoon full of peanut butter, dried bananas, granola, & fruit.

sunday beauty!

Ooooh my the weather is so absolutely more fantastic now than i was saying it was a week ago! I am just relishing in this autumn beauuuty & it's so exciting.

I went home yesterday for my cousins baby shower & to eat dinner & hang out with my lovely parents. My mom made amazing BLT's with avocado dill spread. Oh, it was so hearty & good. I miss eating at home...a lot.

I drove home after the storms(temporarily) passed. We saw a few funnel clouds & i beat the rain home, luckily.  It rained & poured for hours...my favorite way to sleep! It was so peaceful.

When i woke up this morning...it was about 70 degrees outside & felt amazing. So, i turned off the air & opened the windows. There's such a different feeling to feeling fresh air flow through your house than artificial air conditioning.

              

Nick & I had breakfast at Something Brewing this morning, went on a bike ride, hung out with some friends on the front porch, & made chicken parmesan sandwiches & salads for dinner. Nick made the salad's with field greens & spinach, feta cheese, & blush wine vinaigrette. They were so delicious I am so glad that he shares the same taste in food as me. I am so thankful he isn't careless about what he puts in his body like a lot of young people are. It was such a nice day...exactly what i wish every sunday could be like.

muffin maaaan.

i just woke up from a very relaxing nap where it rained & poured & now i feel 23849023 times better. today was extremely looong. i woke up feeling pretty nasty & saw the on-campus doctor who told me i had a sinus infection & the like--so now i'm loaded up on antibiotics & getting better finally.

the other night, nick & i made blueberry muffins from my organic kitchen cookbook my mom bought me & they turned out delicious!

I made Nick pose & he said, "this better not end up on facebook or flickr."

but he doesn't know i have a blog, ha!

honey porch.

For the past few days I have started waking up early & walking/jogging again & it feels so refreshing!  Something about getting out in the morning makes the whole day go better. & I am discovering that there is so much to see in this his little suburban area of Conway i live in! 

There is so much charm.

I'm sitting on my cute little porch swing as i type this now & i have a feeling this is where i will spend a good amount of my time!

The weather lately is making me want autumn...but i know that we'll have more stiflingly hot days before that happens for good. 

peace & love.

love, just like blood, will always stain.

Two years ago today my beloved Poppy-the man who brought my mom up to be the beautiful woman she is today, the man who would share his old recliner with me while we watched The Price is Right, the man whose donald duck voice continues to replay in my mind-said a temporary goodbye to me & my family as we surrounded him in a room in a hospital made up of shapes of blue that have since then seemed to fade.(His eyes were the bluest I've ever seen.) I woke up this morning & I didn't feel empty like i did two years ago. I would be wronging him if i let myself feel empty on this day. He, in all his selflessness, would want us to be happy and healthy, like we know he is now. I drove to school & listened to "Pictures of Success" by Rilo Kiley. When my sister & I drove down I-40 to her dorm room after leaving the hospital that day so that she could get the things she needed for the weekend & for the funeral, we listened to this song, unintentionally relating to the lyrics:

"when you're dead in hospitals & freeways. when you're dead, in dress shirts & neckties" 

It was surreal connecting to this song on such an accurate level after listening to it on repeat for months & months before this day, & realize the gravity of the words.  I think often about how much losing him taught me, how much i grew in the mere three days following his death. During that time, I got sad & i cried myself to sleep many nights, i cried every time i pulled up to his house, every time i saw his empty recliner & waved goodbye to my grandma as she stood on her porch alone. But I realized the Earth did not get sad. I saw butterflies & happy babies & blue balloons disappear into the clouds, & i learned that even though it was the hardest moment in my sixteen years of life, it would be a disappointment to him, & a shame for me to not let that beauty that he was letting me see in the world come through in my happiness. I'm not saying i don't get melancholy at the thought of him not being around anymore, God knows that is far from true.  I miss him every second of everyday, but i cannot mourn.  I can thank him & my grandma for creating such a beautiful family, i can blow him kisses to the sky when i leave his house,  i can show off his handsome photo to everyone i meet & i can love and live like he'd want for me to. And i will. 

Losing a love opened my eyes to aspects of humanity, of the Earth, and of spirituality that I'd always been blind to.  I started noticing the way our bodies work, the way our minds process, the connections we make, the way butterflies floated in & out of our sight as we thought of him, the way nature works for each other & i began asking myself, "how can you look at this beautiful little baby & not believe in God? How can you feel the wind on your skin & see it move through the trees the way it does & not believe in God? How can you physically feel love flowing between human beings & not believe in God?" 

Tonight, my Mom, Dad, Uncle Tim & I went out to dinner with Grandma & felt Poppy's presence the whole time. She seemed to be in good spirits, which made me happy. I didn't want to make the drive to Little Rock alone & felt like it'd be nice to have my love with me, so I asked Nick if he'd come along. I thought a lot today about how my whole life I've felt like it was necessary for the two most important men in my life(my Daddyo & my Poppy) to approve of whoever i am with.  My dad approves of him & i know that even though he isn't around, Poppy would enjoy Nick's company & know that he is wonderful for/to me. That's how i am positive that Nick & i are a good thing. : )

Picture of the day:

This is Poppy-dreaming of Grandma in a cafe in France years ago.

autumn's light is shining through.

the weather yesterday was absolutely perfect. i couldn't ride my bike to class which was rather unfortunate because i had to have my blood pressure & heart rate taken when i got there, so any physical activity of that sort was not allowed.  i was bummed because there's nothing better than going on a bike ride on a beautiful day like that. so after having my height & weight measured, i found out that i am still 5'2'', much to my surprise. I haven't grown since the sixth grade. I guess I am meant to be forever short like my grandma, which is fine by me. 

Nick & i went out to Faby's-a deliiiicious mexican restaurant down the street from my house-whose homemade tortilla's are so damn good. I sat out on the porch & waited for him to pick me up & enjoyed the weather. I thought about how I'd missed living in a more suburban neighborhood like the ones when i was little. We moved out to the country when i was 12, which has it's perks. I love the way my mom & dad's backyard feels-so serene and peaceful, chilly & starry at nighttime- but at the same time, i love watching people sit on the front porches & ride bikes around town. There are perks & downsides to everything, though. 

We finally got our own internet hooked up yesterday...now we don't have to borrow from our unknowing neighbors!  Also, our landlord is outside right now, hanging up the front porch swing. I am so SO stoked about that. 

I am about to head out to my parents house to visit with them & work at Waffle House in the morning so i can afford to go visit my best friend in Missouri in two weeks! Yay! it's weird not seeing your best friend for months at a time. I miss her like crazy. 

Pictures of the day:

let down your golden hair.

 I was called Rapunzel as i rode my bike home from class today. 

Immediately I thought of the triplets i used to babysit when i was fifteen, & how they used to call me Rapunzel. As a matter of fact, they didn't just call me Rapunzel, they were convinced i was Rapunzel--complete with a castle, closet full of dresses, and a white horse.

It really was darling.

My Tuesday & Thursday classes are the two that never, ever tend to bore me. Drawing is nearly three hours long, and Anthropology an hour & a half, yet they go by so quickly.  Cultural Anthropology is something that i am highly interested in going into, possibly as a minor. 

Man, academically, college is a zillion times better than high school.

Picture of the day:

I've been meaning to get one of these things for awhile now, just haven't found the inspiration to until now, mostly so i can vote for my mom's recipe at sitsgirlsrecipes.blogspot.com (She's #4.)

It's still weird sometimes to know i don't live at home anymore, that when i leave my parents house they say, "call me when you get home." I usually tell them not to say that, i don't like the idea of their house not being "home" although, no matter how far away i live, it will always be more of a home than anything else to me. 

College is wonderful & inspiring...something high school never really was for me. Maybe it's the fact that my schedule is incredibly relaxed, or perhaps because I am actually doing things i WANT to do, rather than taking a bunch of BS courses that the school district has set up to drive you crazy.  As far as Gen. Ed courses go, I'd have to say that Anthropology is my favorite class. It's interesting to look at things from an anthropological standpoint & after seeing how that works, I understand that if more people in the world were to step back & look at different cultures anthropologically, the Earth would unite on a much better level than it does now. But, I'm a dreamer. 

My Dad's Staph infection is healing day by day & we're hoping he can come home tomorrow. I took some photographs of him on Saturday(with him unaware...maybe it was the morphine) & brought him up some Damgoode pie yesterday.

Also, on August 25th, Nick & I had our one year. : )

I surprised him with homemade sushi for lunch before i went to class, & he took me out to Bene Vita's later that night. It was so lovely. He is love.