equinox

On this first day of Autumn, I thought I'd celebrate some of the beauty Summer brought into my life:

release

I was riding my bike last night, coming home from a friends house whose presence has been too absent in my life as of late. I rode alone, feeling the sweet autumn breeze on my skin...the first of it i have felt this year.

This air is reminiscent to me.

I smell in it my youth.

My youth which i am still experiencing, but in a different sense.

I can feel in it the days when my only concern was to hop on my bike after school and not return until dusk. Those little glimpses of the freedom of adulthood i saw as I rode around in fields with my best friend were something i cherished, and still do the memory of.

As I was riding along, I remembered the day I first began practicing the art of riding your bike....handless!

Total gripless liberty.

The ability to glide your bike down the asphalt with merely your mindful balance and of course, a steady pedal.

Thinking of that day, i started to lift my left hand, followed by my right, off the handlebars. I hesitated a little, realizing the distrust I felt. It made me realize much trust in ourselves we lose upon aging. as adults, we have to be cautious of our sudden decisions, we have to learn to evaluate a situation more before jumping in.

As children, our inhibitions are small. I think it is important to find the balance between who we were as kids, & who we are as adults. I want to learn to trust myself more, and ultimately, I want to carry this mindset with me throughout my life...I don't want to regret not experiencing something merely because I was afraid or untrusting of myself.

Never, ever.

So, I won't.

& tonight, I started by not questioning my ability at handless bicycle riding...and just setting freeeee.

photos via ryan mcginley

year three

My love & i celebrated our 3 year anniversary on Wednesday.

Three. Years.

It kind of blows my mind. Actually, it really blows my mind.

It just feels really wonderful to reach this point while being able to say that i still carry the confidence in knowing that this is where i belong.

I love him more than i could ever say.

For our day, Nick took me out to eat a Yaya's-a somewhat fancy restaurant that serves up some delicious mediterranean dishes.

We spent the rest of the day just enjoying each others company, and i can happily say that our anniversary/my last day of summer was spent beautifully.

Here's to many many many more years, my darling.

(...& a busy busy busy school year for me.)

the birdhouse

This is my home.

A truly magical place.

Two years ago, I said goodbye to my childhood(teenage-hood, rather) home & found comfort here. I've never felt anything but good vibes from this house, and I can't help but think that some truly wonderful people must have inhabited it as families for years and years past. I imagine babies were born in this very place, and it's a neat feeling to live in house with such an (unknown) history.

I have lived here with many, many people.

All very different.

All contributing to the experience in some exciting(and often times dramatic) way or another. It has not always been peachy, but it has never failed to end up peacefully. The negative attitudes brought into this home have never lasted long, and after stressful experiences, those of us who remained have always found ourselves happier than we had been before.

In December, I will be moving out. We will all be leaving. The days of the "Birdhouse" will officially be a memory of the past.

I used to have a terribly difficult time adjusting to change, but i've found that the older i become, and the more frequent change seems to be in my life, the easier i have found it to adapt to the flow...and sometimes lack thereof.

Knowing that I will be closing this period of my life in this house has been bittersweet to think about. It is difficult to know that we will never have the good old Birdhouse theme parties, or sit around the kitchen table for hours, or enjoy the autumn breeze from the front porch as we have done an immeasurable amount of times.

But, I have come the point in my life where I welcome change, & understand how incredibly blessed I have been to spend my first 2.5 years of college living here.

As of now, I don't know where my path is headed after I move out of this charming 90 year old home, but i do know it has served me well, and leaving it will be altogether bittersweet.

=

After having followed her music career for years & years, I am still completely enthralled at how gifted, how beautiful Joanna Newsom & her creations are.

Her lyrics are rich & raw, and my god, watching her play the harp gives me chills like few other musicians have before.

This video says it all:

And the signifieds butt heads with the signifiers,
and we all fall down slack-jawed to marvel at words
While across the sky sheet the impossible birds...
in a steady, illiterate movement homewards.

(from: this side of the blue)

life goes on within you

"when you've seen beyond yourself you will find peace of mind is waiting there

and the time will come when you see we're all one & life flows on within you & without you"

Columbia Visit: Part II-A Hike

I am constantly in awe at the nature that exists in the world we live in...

(like the way leaves layer over each other to create a magical patterned canopy in the sky)

I've always felt most at home in nature. I used to think I could live in the city, enjoying the bustling life of it all on a daily basis, but the older i've become, the further that ideal has shifted to the back of my mind. When Nick & I first met, we talked about how we would love to live in a simple cabin in the woods. One that we designed & built. One that we could go to & find complete solitude together. I will for sure live in a few busier places before our dream takes place, but i look forward to those days! I love living in suburbia, but there's something so special about the air & the sky in the emptiness outside of city.