your lady of the earth

lost/damaged film

2011-09-23T11:08:00.006-05:00

Last Summer, my beloved 1970's Sears camera (that has blessed me with so many of the lovely pictures you see here on this blog) took it's last roll of film(for now, at least.)

Upon winding the film and opening the camera, i realized that the mechanism that holds the film in place was somehow damaged. Not only did it tear my film, but in the process of opening the door, i exposed it.

I was able to quickly get it into a light safe container(with the help of my dark closet) & then it was put at the bottom of a drawer for over a year. I knew they were mostly of our time spent camping out last summer at Wakarusa music festival, so I was super stoked to see what the roll consisted of when I found it the other day & decided to get it developed...

& this is what I got:

(click photos for a better view..i'm still trying to figure out how to make my photos on the blog bigger)

(oh my, those lips)

I must say...I'm rather fond of them.

Happy accidents.

a glimpse of my summer backpacking

2011-09-05T02:04:00.008-05:00

I am jumping back on this blogging bandwagon, 'cause my absence has far exceeded what I ever anticipated it exceeding.

This Summer was exactly what I thought it would be...

a whirlwind

a cure for wanderlust.

(exploring in Santiago de Compostela, Spain)

This Summer, I stepped foot on the soil of nine different countries, and yet still, I kind of hardly believe that it happened.

Here's a very condensed glimpse at each:

(click the photos to enlarge for a MUCH better view!)

SPAIN

(Granada)

PORTUGAL

(Lagos)

THE NETHERLANDS

(Leiden)

BELGIUM

(Ghent)

GERMANY

(Berlin)

CZECH REPUBLIC

(Prague)

HUNGARY

(almost to Budapest by night train)

AUSTRIA

(Vienna)

(I realized that after loading these onto blogger, these photos look rather flat & uninteresting, although they don't when looking at them by other means...but it's 2:45 am & i am too tired to try to do anything about it. But, nonetheless, you get my drift. Also, the "ninth" country is England...though I did not go to England itself, I went to Gibraltar which is English territory, and while I was there, I did not have my camera.)

time for an update.

2011-04-11T17:36:00.006-05:00

I've been absent too long!

Life has been a whirlwind of busy, but good times as of late.

School has consumed my life, which is pretty normal for this time of year I suppose, so i cannot complain too much about it! Afterall, I am only one year away from graduating.

I officially leave in 1.5 months for my two months worth of European adventuring with only a backpack & my lovely sister(who i haven't seen since September!) in tow.

Wanderlust is over taking my mind & spirit these days, so i welcome this new adventure with very widely opened arms.

I have also been working on a series of (film) photographs lately. I have not yet titled the series, but here is a glimpse at it:

(they will be displayed diptych style)

Him+Her Designs

2011-01-28T20:52:00.003-06:00

My best friend and her love have their amazing etsy shop up & running in full swing.

& this time, they've added some beautiful vintage treasures.

Check out their store!

(& it's incredibly affordable, too!)

I'm really loving this adorable red winter coat:

& this dainty vanity mirror:

spread the love!

captured by the fuzz

2011-01-26T17:33:00.006-06:00

Here lately I have been slightly obsessing over old mugshot images.

They posses a beauty that no modern mugshot will be able to carry-especially those of women.

Who were these women, and what did they do to get locked up?

I wish there was a way to know the answers to these questions, but for now, i'll continue to make up my own stories about the lives they might have lead.

I have old photographs that i have found & collected over the years scattered throughout my room and in boxes here and there. Now I'm on the search for the next best thing-old mugshots!

2011-01-21T22:45:00.003-06:00

Since school began,

i have been spending my mornings with this handsome fella

and my evenings with this one.

life. is. good.

the last quarter(at last!)

2011-01-15T12:21:00.010-06:00

It has taken me forever & a day to get this last post up, but i've been too busy enjoying life, and now, being sick again.

Annnd...

here it is

2010 year in review

October

I turned 21 this month-which called for unexpected bands playing on my front porch, champagne toasts, and many days spent outside under the autumn leaves.

November

November was surprisingly sunny, loaded with school work(as it always is) & a little glimpse into the emotions that would come with December.

(for my birdhouse ladies)

December

The ever changing month of December. This was a difficult one. I began slowly packing up my room, finished the semester, stayed up late nearly every night talking with my roommates about our lives and the changes that were taking place, and at the end of the month, said goodbye to my beloved Birdhouse, the place I have called home for 2 and a half years. Christmas was spent sick in bed while missing my sister who is far across the sea(boy do i look forward to next christmas!)

Looking back, i realize that "difficult" was definitely an understatement.

But i'm in no way complaining. When i look back on this year & see all the beautiful things that occurred, I have nothing to do but be thankful for what i'm blessed with.

the third quarter

2011-01-06T09:42:00.008-06:00

2010

year in review

July

a month consumed by explosions of light & fiery sunsets(& love, too)

August

If i could use one word to describe August it would be ethereal. Simply divine. I spent the first moments of August watching the sunrise over the Ozark mountains and alongside a blue river. I traveled to Chicago with friends, listened to music, surrounded by city. I celebrated three amazing years with my love.

September

A bittersweet month.

School kicked into action, the weather remained beautiful, and my sister departed for Spain, where she will live for a year. The four of us(my mom, dad, Meg and I) spent our last day together hiking to one of the most beautiful spots in Arkansas in the morning light on a peaceful empty trail.

the second quarter

2011-01-05T14:45:00.005-06:00

2010

year in review

April

April was a peaceful month in my life. I soaked up the change of season, traveled to como to visit Natalie & celebrate her 21st birthday, & cuddled in my sunny bedroom.

May

I spent a lot of may outside-just a glimpse at how my summer would end up. I dipped my toes in the river, my sister discovered blackberries in our front yard, ate a years worth of Sparky's ice cream while visiting my best friend, and found sweet feathers on my local eggs.

June

June was magical. I took photographs of a beautiful blooming belly, laid in the sun at wakarusa, had a garden party with good friends, and enjoyed my last couple weeks living with Meg & Hill in the Birdhouse.

the first quarter

2010-12-31T00:46:00.008-06:00

I can't help but do another year in review after seeing Natalie's & looking at mine from last year.

I really enjoy creating these blogs in the last few days of the year because it really gives me the opportunity to reminisce on all the beautiful things that have occurred in a merely years time.

January

Started off the year lying around with my love and continued this trend unexpectedly as it snowed a bit more than usual, allowing my roommates and I to get out of school for days at a time. Our house was our safe haven. It always has been.

February

Celebrated Meg's 22nd birthday Birdhouse style and sought out any glimpse of sunlight possible after the dreary cold.

March

I smiled as the spring time sun began filling my room each morning and spent many days taking in the change of season by letting the warmth encompass me.

in the morning at the birdhouse

2010-12-24T02:05:00.007-06:00

I've always been content with mornings. I could happily sleep in, but there is something magical about the morning light filtering into a bedroom.

At the Birdhouse, I luckily had a window that faced East(it is so odd using the past tense, but it's true. As of tonight, I no longer reside at the Birdhouse.)

I loved my mornings waking up there.

They looked somewhat like this:

self-rendering

2010-11-02T20:56:00.007-05:00

I realize I haven't been as consistent with my blog as I have been in the past lately.

So, here's an update of what i am doing this very moment:

working on a self-portrait

Of course, Lili always jumps up on the table to see what's going on & love on me, before she's off on her fly-chasing, cat-food muching, day napping ways again...

& after looking through some old photobooth photos, I had to post this adorable-ness.

in the AM

2010-10-13T13:04:00.004-05:00

oh, golden morning light. how i wallow in you.

equinox

2010-09-22T01:31:00.006-05:00

On this first day of Autumn, I thought I'd celebrate some of the beauty Summer brought into my life:

release

2010-09-02T12:54:00.005-05:00

I was riding my bike last night, coming home from a friends house whose presence has been too absent in my life as of late. I rode alone, feeling the sweet autumn breeze on my skin...the first of it i have felt this year.

This air is reminiscent to me.

I smell in it my youth.

My youth which i am still experiencing, but in a different sense.

I can feel in it the days when my only concern was to hop on my bike after school and not return until dusk. Those little glimpses of the freedom of adulthood i saw as I rode around in fields with my best friend were something i cherished, and still do the memory of.

As I was riding along, I remembered the day I first began practicing the art of riding your bike....handless!

Total gripless liberty.

The ability to glide your bike down the asphalt with merely your mindful balance and of course, a steady pedal.

Thinking of that day, i started to lift my left hand, followed by my right, off the handlebars. I hesitated a little, realizing the distrust I felt. It made me realize much trust in ourselves we lose upon aging. as adults, we have to be cautious of our sudden decisions, we have to learn to evaluate a situation more before jumping in.

As children, our inhibitions are small. I think it is important to find the balance between who we were as kids, & who we are as adults. I want to learn to trust myself more, and ultimately, I want to carry this mindset with me throughout my life...I don't want to regret not experiencing something merely because I was afraid or untrusting of myself.

Never, ever.

So, I won't.

& tonight, I started by not questioning my ability at handless bicycle riding...and just setting freeeee.

photos via ryan mcginley

year three

2010-08-26T13:44:00.003-05:00

My love & i celebrated our 3 year anniversary on Wednesday.

Three. Years.

It kind of blows my mind. Actually, it really blows my mind.

It just feels really wonderful to reach this point while being able to say that i still carry the confidence in knowing that this is where i belong.

I love him more than i could ever say.

For our day, Nick took me out to eat a Yaya's-a somewhat fancy restaurant that serves up some delicious mediterranean dishes.

We spent the rest of the day just enjoying each others company, and i can happily say that our anniversary/my last day of summer was spent beautifully.

Here's to many many many more years, my darling.

(...& a busy busy busy school year for me.)

the birdhouse

2010-07-30T15:30:00.006-05:00

This is my home.

A truly magical place.

Two years ago, I said goodbye to my childhood(teenage-hood, rather) home & found comfort here. I've never felt anything but good vibes from this house, and I can't help but think that some truly wonderful people must have inhabited it as families for years and years past. I imagine babies were born in this very place, and it's a neat feeling to live in house with such an (unknown) history.

I have lived here with many, many people.

All very different.

All contributing to the experience in some exciting(and often times dramatic) way or another. It has not always been peachy, but it has never failed to end up peacefully. The negative attitudes brought into this home have never lasted long, and after stressful experiences, those of us who remained have always found ourselves happier than we had been before.

In December, I will be moving out. We will all be leaving. The days of the "Birdhouse" will officially be a memory of the past.

I used to have a terribly difficult time adjusting to change, but i've found that the older i become, and the more frequent change seems to be in my life, the easier i have found it to adapt to the flow...and sometimes lack thereof.

Knowing that I will be closing this period of my life in this house has been bittersweet to think about. It is difficult to know that we will never have the good old Birdhouse theme parties, or sit around the kitchen table for hours, or enjoy the autumn breeze from the front porch as we have done an immeasurable amount of times.

But, I have come the point in my life where I welcome change, & understand how incredibly blessed I have been to spend my first 2.5 years of college living here.

As of now, I don't know where my path is headed after I move out of this charming 90 year old home, but i do know it has served me well, and leaving it will be altogether bittersweet.

2010-06-28T23:30:00.004-05:00

After having followed her music career for years & years, I am still completely enthralled at how gifted, how beautiful Joanna Newsom & her creations are.

Her lyrics are rich & raw, and my god, watching her play the harp gives me chills like few other musicians have before.

This video says it all:

And the signifieds butt heads with the signifiers,
and we all fall down slack-jawed to marvel at words
While across the sky sheet the impossible birds...
in a steady, illiterate movement homewards.

(from: this side of the blue)

life goes on within you

2010-05-28T16:56:00.002-05:00

"when you've seen beyond yourself you will find peace of mind is waiting there

and the time will come when you see we're all one & life flows on within you & without you"

Columbia Visit: Part II-A Hike

2010-05-26T22:39:00.005-05:00

I am constantly in awe at the nature that exists in the world we live in...

(like the way leaves layer over each other to create a magical patterned canopy in the sky)

I've always felt most at home in nature. I used to think I could live in the city, enjoying the bustling life of it all on a daily basis, but the older i've become, the further that ideal has shifted to the back of my mind. When Nick & I first met, we talked about how we would love to live in a simple cabin in the woods. One that we designed & built. One that we could go to & find complete solitude together. I will for sure live in a few busier places before our dream takes place, but i look forward to those days! I love living in suburbia, but there's something so special about the air & the sky in the emptiness outside of city.

Columbia visit: Part I

2010-05-22T12:07:00.004-05:00

This week, while visiting my best friend in her lovely town of Columbia, Missouri...

I indulged in copious amounts of this:

(mostly in my favorite flavor, lavender honey!)

darling vintage cloche

2010-05-16T08:49:00.004-05:00

Sometimes we just have to reward ourselves...

& that I did.

Somehow I miraculously managed to make all A's this semester, even though I went to school for 21 hours, worked at a restaurant and on campus, and was sure I would not get through my seemingly tough art history class, as well as my fourth semester of french. But I did, & i don't want this to be an entry of me bragging about myself, but I am just proud/shocked!

So because of this, I bought this darling vintage cloche in my very favorite color.

I love it, & am anxiously awaiting its arrival on my doorstep!

2010-05-03T13:44:00.004-05:00

Just a little bit of natural happiness for my Monday full of studying & anticipating summertime:

a darling little feather on my local egg!

These are the little things that inspire my way of eating & talking to the others about the importance of doing so, as well!

Happy Monday & happy almost summertime!

2010-04-21T23:53:00.006-05:00

My goodness. It has certainly been too long.

My life has been a wild mixture of happenings-getting by on three hours of sleep, writing too many papers, struggling to make time to see my family/boyfriend.

& then, certain events come along:

- like watching the sunrise with my love two weekends ago, after not having done so since the first time we spent all night together, nearly three years ago.

-& other amazing experiences like visiting my best friend (who lives 6 hours away) for the weekend in honor of her 21st birthday.

There are those days when I feel like i'm just never going to get my head above the water to embrace summertime...& there are days when I get those beautiful breaths of fresh air that know just how to renew my spirit & make me feel whole again.

I am so in love with the amazing GREEN in all these photos!

It is so comforting to see the Earth alive again.

P.S. Here's a little sneak-peak at my latest series:

...to be continued!

2010-03-27T10:37:00.006-05:00

I have not had the most fortunate spring break- getting sick with fever & a double ear infection that left me to lay around the house for three days straight & all. But I am trying to be positive about it, 'cause before I know it, summer's freedom will be evident in my life, & i couldn't anticipate it more!

After going back to school on Monday, I will have a mere 5 weeks of school, finals, and then I will open my arms to embrace the warmth & liberation.

I have been quite the slacker on this blog here this past school year, but it has been my busiest thus far, but soon enough I will (hopefully) be posting more frequently & feeling a little more fulfilled!

There are a lot of exciting things to look forward to this Summer:

1) I have decided to not bog myself down with work. I have been working 3 days a week at Bosco's & if that has been able to sustain me through the school year, I have no doubt that it can during the summer, where so much more money is to be made in the restaurant business.

2) My very talented boyfriend/DJ & Producer, also known as WOLF-e-WOLF will be playing at Wakarusa Music Festival in June. And lucky for me, he got us each a free VIP pass(that are worth 500 a piece! crazy!) He is also opening for one of the biggest names in electronic music right now, Bassnectar. This guy is seriously huge & so incredible.

3) Possibly taking a trip to the beach with the family + my love + sister's love! & hopefully making a trip to Austin with Nick to stay with a friend & explore the city we may move to in a few years!

Abandonment II

2010-03-23T23:18:00.005-05:00

I finished a few more prints for my After Humans series. I'd love to continue the project, but I'll have to set it aside for a while to finish other ones I have in the works!

(p.s. some are spotty due to dusty scanner!)

kitteh land

2010-03-01T21:02:00.004-06:00

I just literally laughed out loud to myself about this post that a wrote a few months ago, when Beatrix Kiddo(formerly known as Don Juan) first came into our humble abode.

I'd forgotten to write on here that after taking Don Juan to the vet, we discovered he was actually a she, and promptly changed her name to Beatrix Kiddo.

She loves it here, and we love her.

Now, we just have to work on getting this stubborn one to get along with her a little better : )

After Humans: A Documentation of Abandonment

2010-02-25T14:04:00.007-06:00

I'm currently working on a Documentary Project for my Photo II class.

After noting the prevalence of abandoned homes here in central Arkansas, I decided to photograph some of them in order to document what occurs with man-made homes after humans exist in them.

For this project, I decided to print in full-frame, & i am really diggin' the outcome.

Some of what I am doing was inspired by a beautiful artist, Kevin Bauman, who created the project 100 Abandoned Houses. Check out his work-it's absolutely astounding.

The photos in this post are two of the houses I have photographed & printed thus far.

2010-02-16T22:32:00.004-06:00

Back in January, I did a photoshoot for my good friend Mark's boyfriend, Cody Belew-a talented & soulful musical artist.

Months ago(I am just now remembering to post about it!) Mark e-mailed me today to show me the revamped "Cody Belew & the Mercers" site & I was excited to see the photos I took on it, & also receive a copy of the new release with my work in print. The CD looks & sounds awwwesome.

(more photos on website under "Paradise" photoshoot)

2010-02-12T13:42:00.007-06:00

Lots of great new items over at the SHOP!

Including this awesome down vest my sweetheart is modeling:

(So maybe that's not the best representation of the vest, but he sure looks cute.)

Check out the listing here!

Also, this beautiful Vintage leather coat:

If you know any vintage lovers, be sure to tell them about our shop!

We're still working out the kinks, but be expecting new updates soon & frequently.

& since we are speaking of the wonderful world of Etsy, I would like you all to know that my beautiful best friend & her darling husband have recently opened up an amazing Etsy shop full of homemade earrings

& lovely prints!

Please check out their shop. The prices are extremely reasonable, especially for such one-of-a-kind pieces!

Him & Her Designs

Also, if you haven't yet stumbled across their blog that is just bursting with love & all things beautiful, you should check it out.

You'll be inspired, I can assure you!

2010-02-08T23:52:00.005-06:00

It's getting difficult to keep track of all the wonderful days that i have been experiencing in the past week or so. So many snow days, lazy days, exciting days.

sweet Biggie baby-perfectly at home in the snow

We have been having what i think might just be the most "wintery" winter i've ever enjoyed since living in Arkansas nearly my whole life. It has been beautiful.

the walk to my loves home

It's almost hard to face the "real world" after being cooped up with loves, friends, & sweet kittens-doing nothing but eating amazing food, listening to music, making art & drinking blue moon.

my darling

some dear friends of mine

We celebrated my sisters 22nd birthday last weekend with a home cooked meal with the family, & a nice little party with friends here at the Birdhouse.

Speaking of my sister, she & her girlfriend, Hillary, have officially been accepted into CIEE-a program with which they will be teaching english in Spain for a year. I'm so happy for them, & am so super excited that i will be visiting them for a least a month in the Summer of 2011!

Sunday, we celebrated my little cousin Sammie's 5th birthday at our house with a darling tea party!

We learned all about holding up our pinkies!

It was darling.

Happy snow day to the Arkansans!

& love to all!

BABIES

2010-01-26T13:50:00.002-06:00

Oh. My. Goodness. I have to see this adorable film.

Babiesbabiesbabies!

(pause my music to the right if you need to!)

2010-01-23T15:22:00.003-06:00

I have started a new blog for the etsy vintage store my love & i will be opening to the public quite soon. Please do check it out for shop updates & random fashion bits!

Third Hand Thrift

2010-01-15T00:04:00.001-06:00

I miss my beautiful best friend.

2010-01-09T13:42:00.002-06:00

Happy Saturday

(Caturday)

December

2010-01-08T15:42:00.005-06:00

I was not able to post for my december portion of year in review until today, since i was finally able to get my last two rolls of film developed.

& so...

here it is-la fin!

December

December went by very quickly. I finished out the semester, was in my second wedding of the year, enjoyed many days sleeping in, celebrated the holidays with my beautiful family, cuddled with sweet kitties & stayed warm with love.

2010-01-07T14:07:00.003-06:00

I think it is really cute that right now, Nick is DJing for me while wearing pajama pants, nikes, & a winter hat.

I love him.

2010-01-04T15:13:00.002-06:00

For Christmas, my family always strives to create meaningful things for each other, rather than spend money on something that won't be used or appreciated as much.

This year, my mom spent months & months making the most beautiful quilts for my sister & me. I don't think she realizes how talented she is. I mean, look at it!

This will be one of those gifts that I have & cherish forever.

Thank you, Momma bird!

The Second Half(Minus December)

2009-12-31T12:54:00.013-06:00

2009

The second half of the year flew by, as it always seems to do.

Which for me is sometimes good(for school) but usually leaves me feeling nostalgic & as if i'd missed out on something as the time disappeared before my busy eyes.

July

For a good 2 minutes, i sat here trying to remember how i celebrated the 4th of July this year, then it came to me- i ate lunch with my boyfriend, & went to work. It was an odd Independence Day celebration, but i was lucky enough to get to wait on my Natalie & her momma, & watch the fireworks boom over the Arkansas River outside the restaurant i work at. I paid a short weekend visit to said best friend just two weeks before her big day. This month, I also became a temporary Georgia peach-visiting my family there for a couple of days & enjoying the much needed time spent with my mom, dad, & sister.

August

The first day of this month was quite possibly the most beautiful day of the year. I watched my best friend marry her soul mate on a perfect summer day. I was able to spend a week with my wonderful family from new hampshire, spent the night in a treehouse with Nicholas in celebration of our two year anniversary, & began my sophomore year of college.

September

Fell in love with the darkroom, spent many hours in said darkroom, ate a plethora of cherry tomatoes from the garden & bid farewell to Nicks dreadlocks.

October

Spent many many more hours in the darkroom, celebrated my 20th birthday by having dinner with my family, witnessing my boyfriends song being played by a bigtime DJ, and had a merry time at my mad-hatter tea party with beautiful people.

November

Passed my sophomore major advancement interview for admission into the art program(!), had the most amazing nature experience with my love, & celebrated Thanksgiving by having dinner with my family in the warmth of my parent's house.

The First Half

2009-12-30T22:39:00.006-06:00

2009

I am going to go ahead & follow everyones lead & do a "year in review" post with my favorite photos from each month of the year.

It has been a beautiful one.

January

I shot my first roll of film with the Diana+ camera my love bought me for my birthday the October before & had my first really exciting art classes with inspiring professors & non-stop creativity flowing through my brain.

February

Celebrated my sisters(pictured above as pseudo-indian) 21st birthday by dressing up as 5th graders with 60 other college-aged students(yes, 90's style-spice girls, overalls, & slap bracelets all the waaay) had a lovely calm valentines day hike through the woods, & visited my best friend & finally met the lovely Jess and her beautiful little family I also started teaching a yoga class at the local public library.

March

Had an amazing adventure with my love that involved spending the night in a teepee, hiking to the petit jean water fall, & cooking delicious food while drinking blue moon all night. Celebrated my Daddyo's 40th birthday & enjoyed the excitement that accompanies the first signs of spring.

April

Picked many wild flowers from the yard, started my first organic garden, and spent many many moons dedicating my time & mind to art projects that ended up very well worth it, and had my first university level art show.

May

Brought home the sweetest little tiny white, blue-eyed, cuddly kitten, named her Lili, & quickly became a cat lady. I watched my garden bloom, enjoyed a couple weeks of no work & no school before starting my waiting job at Bosco's Brew Pub.

June

Spent nearly the whole month taking a Design I class that was very relaxing & enjoyable-met the sweetest older woman who was taking the class just for fun. Spent several days floating around the pool with Nick & basking in the warmwarmwarm June sun.

pura vida

2009-12-09T11:27:00.003-06:00

Today, on this cold pre-winter day, I miss Costa Rica.

I appreciate where I live, & the things I am able to do here, but i have days were nostalgia gets the best of me,

& i dream of being on those dirt roads again.

I was going through old files today, and found this narrative I wrote in my first semester of college.

I have my last final today, so for lack of time to write anything else, I thought I would share it.

--------------------------------

There is an energy that radiates between us as human beings, as I see it- an invisible force that flows from our fingertips, our eyes, our lips. We are all interconnected; we feed off of each other, draw inspiration from each other, and live because we have each other. I firmly believe that every person who enters our lives, whether for 10 minutes or for infinity, is there for a purpose. On my summer escapade backpacking around Costa Rica, I found something I had never thought I would find, and it will forever be etched into my memory.

We finally stretched our legs on the gravel roads of Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica late in the evening after a three hour van ride with our newest Tico friend, Carlos-a man with perfect English he had picked up merely two months prior, and with enough kindness to stop and let us see the monkeys swing in their treetops, like children on a jungle gym. Clad in our backpacks and Chacho's, exhausted from our journey, and overwhelmed with the beauty of a foreign country and culture, we walked down the unpaved roads past children picking orange's, Germans drinking in bars, Rasta's with dreads getting high on the beach, and the tall local who walked around with a stick shouting, "ahh!" for some unrecognizable reason. Settling in hammocks, we fell asleep to rain on the tin roof of Rockin' J's, the place we paid merely five dollars to bunk at.

Dirty in our sandy shoes and unshowered hair, my sister and I talked about an old man she had met the last time she visited this Caribbean town. "His name is Juan and he is so much like Poppy, Tori." Immediately, I pictured my grandfather who took his last breath in a hospital bed surrounded by everyone who loved him two years prior. I was reminded of how much i missed seeing his sky blue eyes as he waved by to me from his porch swing every evening. We set out to find a new place to stay. Tucked away between clothes-lined yards, and painted in the colors of Jamaica, stood a tiny lodge. As we walked around, not knowing who lived there, my sister shouted, "Hola?!" Out from a dimly lit room stepped an old man. "Juan!" my sister exclaimed, but before she even said his name, i knew it was him like the way i felt it in my heart that Poppy was going to die the morning we rushed to the hospital in silence to say goodbye. I saw the resemblance instantly. He was a tall, gangly, old man with large hands and a blunt, but inviting personality; a man with spirit. He was, hands down, the Spanish version of my Poppy. I could not stop staring at him, like a mother who sees her child for the first time, awed that she had created this perfect gift to the world.

We spent the next five days venturing around Puerto Viejo where all the people are electrically ecstatic to be alive, and we would return at night to stay up having conversations with Juan about God, lovers, families, politics, and his plan to make this town into a "paradise for people who can not afford paradise." Halfway through our journey of filling voids that had before this trip, been evident in our lives, we sat on Juan's patio discussing humanity. Hanging above Juan's head was the only bulb radiating light on this mosquito flocked night. "You remind me of my Grandfather. He died two years ago," I said to Juan as he started a makeshift fire. He looked up at me with a smile on his face, like the one you mother gives you when you reveal something secret to her; something you would never tell anyone. Not two seconds late, the light bulb flickered off, revealing darkness. Juan pointed up at the lack of light, and said matter-of-factly, "This is symbolism. You tell me something special, and the light goes out. This is big. This means a lot." He touched his heart, looking at me in genuine compassion, and said, "Thank you for that. It means a lot." Tears filled my eyes as they did for days following Poppy's death at the mere mention of his passing, and i knew we had made this trip for a reason.

Boarding the plane to Costa Rica from Memphis, Tennessee, excited and nervous, anxious for a new land, I did not anticipate finding what i found. I expected new tastes and sounds, rainforest adventures, green valleys and mountains, and seeing my sister again for the first in a month. I expected to get lost in translation of a language that i still do now know. I expected to see monkeys, birds, and little Tico children, and i did see all of those things. However, i never once imagined that my voyage to this foreign land where you never say, "Goodbye," only, "I'll see you later," would alter my views on humanity and my Poppy's death so drastically. I realized that he was there- my favorite old man with his Yankee accent-holding my hand and reassuring me that although he is gone for now, it is possible to find his beauty in a Columbian native who has seen the world in his life through trying, exciting, and beauty-filled eyes.

Engagement

2009-12-05T10:35:00.007-06:00

Ashley & Todd, two friends of mine from years & years ago, recently became engaged.

A few months ago, they asked me if I would take their engagement photos, & of course, I said yes.

Here I am, a month later, finally putting the last finishing touches on them.

I hope they love them.

short & sweet

2009-11-23T23:49:00.004-06:00

I am promising a real update soon!

Lots of lovely things happening.

I get to spend this week with my family, & hug my best friend for the first time in months!

Little time to write.

Tomorrow is my Sophomore Major Advancement Interview for my Art major, determining whether i proceeeed.

I feel optimistic & calm.

Life is trés magnifique!

All of my love, beautiful people of the internet.

appreciating

2009-11-09T14:11:00.008-06:00

magic

we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.

my wolfe.

i love him.

my kindred spirit

2009-11-02T09:58:00.013-06:00

I recently had a conversation with a good friend about best friends as "soul mates," in a sense. Not in a romantic way, but in the way that you know & understand & love each other so much that no matter where you go in life or how many continents or states separate you, you can rest assured that they will never stray form your thoughts, or you from theirs.

I am blessed to be twenty years old & have no doubt in my mind that Natalie, will always be that person for me-

my true kindred spirit

ma meilleur amie.

Natalie & i met through bus rides & bicycles rides down busy roads just for fun & "lead-singers" & dancing out of sunroofs in one of the billion cars she went through in high school.

We worked at waffle house together where we were told to stay on opposite sides of the restaurant by our pill poppin' redneck boss because we talked too much.

Over two years ago, Natalie moved to Columbia, Missouri where she had her heart set on for school. It was really hard for me knowing that my best friend would no longer be a short car drive away. On the way to Missouri to move her into her dorm, we cried a little(well, she cried a lot ; ] ) & reminisced on all the good moments we had had, & all the exciting moments we have to look forward to in our futures. Despite the distance, I have never once in the last two years felt for a moment that our friendship has ever been hindered.

It's never been easy for me to look at every friend i've had as a possible permanent presence in my life-but Natalie has always been different in that way. Though we may not talk everyday and sometimes not every week, each time we do, we simply pick up where we left off. I know now why she was so drawn to there of all places when i see her with her husband, Luke. They embody beauty in every sense of the word, & have never ceased to inspire me in the relationship i have with Nick.

We have indeed seen & experienced a lot together. When i lost my Poppy, Natalie was one of two friends of mine who came to the funeral. I don't think i've ever told her how much that meant to me. When Natalie & Luke got married in August, I stood next to her as her maid of honor. She was the most beautiful bride, & the allure of their wedding is not possible to describe in words.

I sometimes get emotional when i think about us, because i often find it hard to believe such a beautiful friendship can exist. But it does, & i am eternally grateful for it.

I love you, Natalie!

Don Juan

2009-10-22T21:31:00.002-05:00

the newest member of the birdhouse, Don Juan.

we love him.

Magical Mad-Hatter Tea Party

2009-10-21T11:19:00.009-05:00

In honor of my 20th birthday, the birdhouse ladies & i decided to have a tea party.

A magical mad-hatter one, at that!

oh, & let me tell you, it was indeed magical.

I decided i would make use of my fish-eye lens, considering it seemed to fit well with the theme, & what i saw on my camera the next morning made me really happy(thanks mostly to Marly for being so good about taking photos all night!)

I can't get over how sweet Nicholas looks in this photograph.

I also have some really exciting news:

The lovely lady pictured with me below & I are going to be studying in Paris together this Summer!

Je suis très heureuse!

J'habiterai à Paris pendant le mois de Juin 2010!

2009-10-03T14:06:00.003-05:00

When it wasn't raining like it has been for the past week & i could actually open my windows to let the fall air in, Lili's favorite spot became the window sill.

(click photos to enlarge)

She got a little closer to the newest member of our family, our volunteer cat, Don Juan. Don Juan just kind of showed up one day. He was a pretty fat little thing, so i figured he was just a neighborhood cat who happened to like our front porch a lot. But after a few weeks, i felt his backbone one day while petting him & my sister & i decided we'd adopt him.

Lili also came to know this bee who would stay in front of the screen buzzing at her for longer than i'd imagined possible. Considering i am highly allergic to these little guys, this was the closest i've ever been to one, & it was pretty amazing!

Now, Arkansas, I want Autumn back. I have had enough of this 50 degree weather & constant rainfall.

My birthday is friday.

I am stoked.

dreaming of Costa Rica

2009-10-03T01:01:00.006-05:00

When remembering the land of those who yearn for the "pura vida," i think of Juan.

You reminded me, if only vaguely, of what it was like to be in the presence of my beloved Poppy.

You taught me about the simplicity of life & the overstressed importance of those worldly things that essentially do not matter, & how to let go of materialism. You showed strength & agility in your age, passion & compassion. You have visions, dreams, a wild past full of strife and achievement, eyes of love & a happiness for humanity(the agenda of which, you said, must change.)

You reminded us that, "happiness is not comfortability."

We all went to the moon together discussing the divine...he who created us. He who gave us this beautiful, simple life to live.

We left you with a bicycle, & individual notes thanking you for making our trip to Costa Rica something more than a vacation, & wishing you luck in making your town "a paradise for people who can't afford paradise."

I dream that you are riding down the muddy, peaceful streets of

Puerto Viejo, spreading love to all of Gods creatures.

blanc

2009-09-25T01:16:00.004-05:00

These primarily white designs have such a charming & light, airy feel to them.

I sometimes wish i could paint the white walls of my bedroom here in this rented house, but now that i see these images, i rather like it!

Plus, my room is so bright in the morning-the perfect natural alarm clock.

As someone sets light to the first fire of Autumn:

2009-09-23T14:46:00.006-05:00

It is the first official full day of Autumn!

This is the season that finds me exceptionally beaming.

My Autumnal Equinox was spent perfectly, peacefully intertwined with my love.

The above photo(my second one processed in the darkroom-excuse my dusty scanner) was taken on our labor day trip out to the blue hole:

where we made a pact to spend more days at next summer.

May your start to this beautiful season be as magical as mine has been thus far.

some nights

2009-09-22T00:49:00.004-05:00

...i just want to stay awake with the stars & the silence.

...& maybe this face, too.

2009-09-20T22:19:00.003-05:00

this guy joined our porch & wine night last weekend:

(click photo to enlarge)

he followed our shapes & jumped in my hair. several times.

i guess it looked like home to the little praying mantis.

a jumbled post: a product of one AM

2009-09-17T00:25:00.006-05:00

it is always late at night when i should be resting my body & restoring my mind that a stream of creativity & productivity flows over me, making me want to stay up all night painting, rearranging, contemplating, inventing, generating, planning,

revolutionizing.

i've been spending time developing, printing, & lovinglovingloving being in the darkroom.

since the age of 12 when i began taking photos i've dreamt of someday watching them come to live in a darkroom, from the work of my own hands.

& it's finally happening, & i'm thrilled to see where it will take me.

as it is september, i have been thinking a lot about my late poppy, whose bright baby blues have not glanced my way for far too long. Though it's tough, it's a longing that i feel makes me a stronger person. i look back & miss all that used to be, but i know everything happens for a reason, & someday i might come to understand why his life was cut short.

for now, i'll go on missing him, & living happily as i know he'd want me to.

understandably, the mention of my grandfather gives me a nostalgic feeling of my childhood. which i find myself missing all the time. i certainly had a fun up-bringing--young, beautiful parents, jamming out to the smashing pumpkins in my dad's best friends garage at the age of four, dancing to madonna with my mom & sister, eating PB&J's late at night with my daddyo, & going on all day bike adventures with my sister only to return at dusk to climb in bed & dream of floating on clouds.

do you ever miss the feeling of everything being a mystery, as it is when you're a child?

nicholas' mom mentioned to me months ago that i should always practice recalling events from my past, that when i lie in bed at night unable to sleep, i should pick a year in my life & try to remember as much from it as i can. for, she says, you'll forget it all eventually if you don't make yourself recall it.

what wonderful advice this was.

i often find myself trying to delve into my deepest memories & the emotions of my past & transfer them to paper, for when i'm 60, i want to be able to look back & remember the times i picked blackberries in my grandma's backyard with my billion cousins & ate most of them before we could walk the bowl into the house to have grandma bake a pie. even now, at nearly 20, it's hard to remember your life at seven years old.

let us always remember the days of mystery.

(myself & my sister with our soxy, who lived for fifteen years & whom i miss all the time.)

flowers&blood

2009-09-13T12:25:00.005-05:00

recent musings

i've felt at a loss for words lately, but for now, the beautiful things that i've been feasting my eyes upon will suffice.

five senses friday

2009-09-11T17:35:00.003-05:00

i'm finally doing one of these, inspired by my best friend Natalie.

seeing:

-my photos come to life in the darkroom

-the sunspots dance on the floor of my living room in the evening

hearing:

-"all my days" by Alexi Murdoch

-my loves new creations

tasting:

-so many apples & so much peanut butter

-my sisters homemade banana nut bread

-bell peppers & cherry tomatoes from my garden

feeling:

-little Lili's soft fur

-the handle bars of my bicycle everyday on the way to class

smelling:

-the fresh pre-autumn air

-orange ginger candles

happy friday! i'm so ecstatic that it came so quickly.

i feel a lovely evening in the making-full of good friends, beautiful weather, & wine.

another september 8th nearly passed

2009-09-08T19:44:00.004-05:00

three years later, & it's still hard to believe you're not[physically]here with us, though i am sure where you are is as dreamy & golden as the last week has been here on Earth.

all the love in the world.

[last year]

2009-08-28T18:49:00.003-05:00

In honor our two year anniversary, i surprised Nick & took him to the treehouse cottages in Eureka Springs. I didn't take too many photos, but brought my trusty old film camera along & got a few shots of our lovely time!

2009-08-26T23:19:00.002-05:00

(two years in love with this beautiful human being as of yesterday)

i love you with all of my heart, nicholas!

2009-08-13T22:51:00.005-05:00

at the start of the summer i had visions of a slow, somewhat uneventful next few months.

much to my surprise, it has been everything but that.

it has been go go go. sometimes good going, sometimes bad going.

after starting a new job, taking multiple journeys to my best friends house alone, & long drives to visit family in georgia, saying goodbye to an uncle & getting to see some loves after three years, i have mixed feelings about school starting.

I'm so very ready to get back into classes, but i always slightly mourn the loss of the freedom of summertime.

2009-07-27T08:52:00.002-05:00

what a life i lead when the sun breaks free

babies babies babies

2009-07-02T22:06:00.004-05:00

little loves of my life

2009-07-01T13:09:00.003-05:00

(click to enlarge!)

conundrum II

2009-06-25T13:13:00.007-05:00

I don't do self-portraits too often, but the other day i found myself in my backyard with camera on tripod & humid air in my lungs...and decided it was time to take a few in continuation of [this series]

(film)

2009-06-16T16:37:00.004-05:00

first signs of fruiting(!!):

it's so exciting to see something i started from seed begin to blossom!

2009-06-13T01:11:00.008-05:00

It's already mid-June & i still feel like Spring just arrived.

i've decided that i'm just going to have to start ignoring the existence of time & just...go with it more, 'cause the fact that it "flies" by so quickly in life is really starting to freak me out.

So...

my best friend is getting married in a month & a half:

(isn't she a beautiful being?)

my little baby Lili is growing up so fast:

It still feels weird to spend my first summer out of my parents house, & i miss them all the time:

I'm going on a bike adventure tomorrow with this crazy girl & am so very stoked:

Nicholas & I are coming up on our two year anniversary in August,

& this is how excited we are:

Quick update during a busy week:

2009-05-26T23:06:00.003-05:00

Lili is getting so big & growing cuter and more attached to me(for instance, sleeping on my neck like my cat growing up used to do to my momma)

... & my job is damn awesome.

2009-05-22T15:34:00.006-05:00

I have finally put all my little seedlings & local heirloom vegetables in the ground!

butterhead lettuce

bell peppers

mint

baby tomato seedlings

tomato

baby basil's

& lavender

I also have a little Rosemary seedling that isn't strong enough just yet to transplant.

the itty bitty garden:

Oh, & i finally found a job! I'll be starting at Bosco's in the Rivermarket on Tuesday.

I am so relieved & happy!

2009-05-14T17:37:00.003-05:00

I would like to establish a simple fact:

I love this little cuddly creature so very much.

conundrum

2009-05-12T09:24:00.012-05:00

i feel as though, after pushing myself to get to where i needed to be, i have had a successful semester artistically. i had the blessing of having one of the most influential and inspiring professors for my 3D Design class, Holly-who i feel has given me a different perspective in terms of what i am capable of doing. I poured endless hours into her assignments & i feel that all of it has paid off tremendously.

We had three main assignments, the first of which i didn't necessarily care for the outcome of.

The second was a planar analysis project. I used coffee filters dyed with...coffee, gridded fabric, and an insane amount of modpodge.

It is based on microscopic images of a cross-section of a tree.

Vessels & Rays: A Cellular Exploration Into the Inner-workings of a Deciduous Tree

(click photos to enlarge)

The last assigment involved combining the first two-wire & planar aspects. It was called Skin & Structure. I have been obsessively watching the amazing television show Breaking Bad, and on one episode there was a scene of a little girl wearing a gas mask-which was, in some ways, interesting, and in other ways disturbing. Not long after, I went to Nicks house where i noticed that the background on his computer was this brilliant image by Louise Dadonna:

I found it creepy and intriguing, and immediately decided that i'd make a gas mask upon hearing the assignment.

So, i came up with this-having spent hours brazing wire together & more hours meticulously placing unbleached coffee filters just where they needed to be.

I decided I would take photos of people wearing the mask, doing everyday things:

making beds, riding bikes, etc.

To me, the whole idea is the fact that our society invests so much time in protecting themselves against dangers and potential threats, even when performing every day activities that are supposed to be relaxing, like taking a bath or riding bicycles out in nature. Yet what people are doing in an attempt to protect themselves(e.g. A delicate gas mask fabricated from the thin sheets of paper that filter our coffee every morning.)isn't necessarily bringing about any good at all, and often times makes them more susceptible to the things they are trying to avoid.

In other wonderful news, i have been spending a lot of time looking at/playing with this darling thing:

Her name is Lili & she's so much love!

2009-04-29T21:02:00.006-05:00

Aside from the grim allergies it all has given me, i'm loving every bit of this color the Earth is currently showered in.

my closest friends here & i had a lovely celebratory pinic last week complete with greek food & random things alex thought were picnic-worthy(a.k.a. the things she wanted to get out of her kitchen. ha!)

we sat out at the dam until sunset, hence the under-exposed, grainy photos that i happen to kind of like.

this past weekend, we had our seasonal art sale-this time held at my house.

(lauren made hula hoops to sell, so we pretty much entertained the masses by hula-hooping all day)

the few necklaces & postcards i had time to make, & my momma's beautiful spring shawls.

Corrinne, who i just met this weekend, makes these neat little lamps out of vintage slides that she has found at estate sales & the like. For you Arkansans, she also runs [this] blog about free things to do in our state. She's from the U.K. & it's neat to see someone originally from far off doing good things around here!

one more week of school & then the(sort of) freedom of summer.

i'll be going to school in June & working, so i guess it won't be that free, but summer is summer, man!

2009-04-26T17:23:00.001-05:00

When she's old enough to leave her momma, which is quite soon, this sweet little thing will be mine!

2009-04-22T07:33:00.006-05:00

"the earth is what we all have in common. it is what we are made of and what we live from, and we cannot damage it without damaging those with whom we share it.

there is an uncanny resemblance between our behavior toward each other and our behavior toward the earth.

by some connection we do not recognize, the willingness to exploit one becomes the willingness to exploit the other . . . it is impossible to care for each other more or differently than we care for the earth."

Happy Earth Day, lovely Earthlings.

2009-04-15T07:20:00.004-05:00

I woke up this morning, crawled out of my warm multi-blanketed bed & into the cold air that always seems to envelope our house, & reached for the on button on my space heater that warms my body every morning as i slip on my clothes. But before i could turn it on, visions of people struggling to merely move because the air is so frigid popped into my head. I was appalled by myself. I have been using up ten minutes of the worlds energy just so i can get a little heat in between slipping off my pajamas and putting on my corduroys when there are people in other parts who cannot even sleep because their bodies are so cold, & unlike us, they have no down comforters to even consider.

So, i decided quickly to forgo the heater from now on, suck it up, & realize how damn lucky i am in every beautiful area of my life.

introducing

2009-04-10T14:56:00.002-05:00

my sister:

the pseduo-Indian

who sports vintage quasi-chanel sweaters

a day once dawned, & it was beautiful.

2009-04-05T12:14:00.004-05:00

Over the way too short spring break, Nick & I rented a teepee at Petit Jean State Park. It was an authentic teepee(& quite large!) equipped with a canoe! We went canoeing at sunset

cooked dinner over the fire

& slept soundly.

We woke to a bird flying around inside our teepee

baked a wonderful breakfast

& hiked to the waterfall.

By far the most beautiful time i've ever had camping.

2009-04-03T14:53:00.003-05:00

Last night, our schools clay club held its annual soup bowl benefit.

I paid $10 to get in, got to pick out a beautiful bowl to take home, & ate some soup, of course.

I picked out this amazing bowl made by Liz, the ceramics professor:

and...i entered the raffle...& WON! I was so excited 'cause i never tend to win these sort of things.

i have no idea what i'm going to do with these, but just look at them!

2009-03-25T17:14:00.006-05:00

Although it has already gone by way too damn fast, this spring break has been charming.

Nick & i had such a beautiful time adventuring & spending two days outdoors. We both realized while at Petit Jean that it was, surprisingly, our first time to actually camp together. Once i get the roll of film developed, I'll post about it.

Yesterday, Meg & I took our little babies, Natie & Nate out for lunch at Zaza's & book store adventures.

This was taken right before he threw one of those olives over the railing of the second level of Zaza's when we turned our backs for a split second. I had to laugh.

&...we got to see our other loves-Kayla, Konnor & Righteous!

Konkon's defiance got the best of him.

A glimpse at the continuation of my 3D piece:

It's coming along...i've four more days to work on it!

Merry Printemps!

2009-03-20T13:47:00.005-05:00

At last, the first official day of spring!

Despite a few scholastic stresses, I have had a particularly amazing week.

-went on a six mile bike ride with my good friend, Mark

-had a late night date with my Nicklove

-slept until noon tuesday

-taught a short lesson on pranayama!(yogic breath control)

- ate delicious italian food in celebration of my momma bird's birthday yesterday

-basked in the lovely lovely warm Printemps sun on my front porch

My sister discovered today that we have peach-ish daffodils blossoming on the side of our house. I've never seen them in this shade before. They are a dream!

I think this is my favorite wall in our whole house. It will be coming down soon upon me switching bedrooms, which is fine, because i am willing to recreate it in a new space!

It is Spring Break now, & I'm starting it out by doing laundry & cleaning out the clutter that is my side of the bedroom. I can't exactly refer to this as Spring cleaning, for my mom has taught me growing up that spring cleaning goes way deeper than simply making a bed & folding some clothes(i mean, we'd clean baseboards with q-tips & clean underneath our beds-which to my ten year old self meant dragging out every single dirty sock, t-shirt, & toy that was ever stuffed under it in order to accomplish the daily chore of "cleaning" my bedroom.)

Sunday, Nick & I are heading to Petit Jean to spend the night in a teepee & hike & canoe & adventure for two days. Ahh, I am so very stoked! I jokingly told Nick that we would have to wear headdresses & braids & moccasins.

I mean, is having your boyfriend dress like Devendra Banhart in this photo for a weekend asking too much?

: )

2009-03-13T21:39:00.003-05:00

the fragility of human life has, once again, opened my eyes.

Godspeed.

2009-03-08T22:06:00.005-05:00

I'm in the process of two very exciting happenings.

One is with Natalie...

& the other is a 3d design project.

i've been inspired!

2009-03-06T23:58:00.002-06:00

I do realize that Spring has only just...sprung...

but i am already so anxious for the freedom & overall emotion that accompanies summertime.

(Photos by Ryan McGinley)